A huge theme in my life and work right now is exploring how we move from just 'ok' relationships and into heart and soul-aligned, devotional relationships that not only support the people in the relationship to thrive and feel fulfilled, but also ripple into the world and create beautiful things that affect future generations and many other beings (human, non-human and the earth too!)
Last night it kind of dropped how this is also linked to regenerative philosophy and practice- where we move beyond 'sustainable' and into actively creating a better world. In farming practice, regeneration is about improving soil quality and land practices that will create more thriving and abundance for generations to come, and I believe our relationships can do this too.
The term 'Regenerative Eros' has been floating in my consciousness for a while, and I feel it super alive now.
Devotional relating is love and intimate containers that transcend the personal will and desires of the people involved (and this isn't just romantic but can be friendships and business relationships too!).
It's having a higher vision and purpose beyond satisfying your own base needs, wants and desires.
When we're in a devotional relationship, we recognise that the work we do together can affect the collective- modelling a new possibility for relationships and healing wounds of separation. This love then can ripple out through our communities, families, friends and our work in the world. It's not just about you and me anymore, the relationship is a vessel for something bigger than us, and having this relationship supports us to give more to the world, feel inspired and have the capacity and resources to offer more to others than we could alone.
One of the things I love about the NeoTantra and Sex positive scenes are that people are pushing the edges of what we've been taught that relationships can be. We're challenging cultural conditioning, limiting beliefs, attachment wounding patterns, intergenerational trauma patterns, patriarchy, sexual-spiritual splits and more. We're evolving relationships and experimenting and sharing and growing. And like any experiments and revolutions, there is a lot of mess along the way, but also so much beauty and power coming through.
And this work can look from the outside like greedy hedonistic people who just want more sex and pleasure, but it's so much more than that. We're deconstructing love hierarchies, co-regulating our separation wounding and attachment trauma away, creating new possibilities for relationship structures, creating community and dismantling internalised capitalism through prioritising pleasure and connection as central and important to human thriving (compared to 'success', achieving, money, fame etc)
And this work will affect future generations in SO MANY WAYS.
We're creating parents who are deeply attuned and open, emotionally vulnerable and authentic who will raise kids who feel seen and loved and can actually express their emotions in healthy ways. These kids will model healthy embodied expression to other kids they encounter and relate with.
We're seeing people pulling away from hyper-consumerist culture and finding pleasure in substances and short dopamine hits, seeking authentic intimacy and connection, wanting the 'real shit'. More interested in building community and celebrating life than participating in the rat-race.
We're seeing people re-connecting to their bodies and the body of the earth, slowing down to feel and appreciate this world. Being more eco-conscious consumers and making caring for the earth 'cool'.
We're ending the 'battle of the sexes' and finding ways for men and women to come into not only pleasant relationships but ones of deep respect, honouring and reverence.
We are seeing the unique gifts and skills of one another and seeing that we all have different types of power but there is not a hierarchy of that power.
Think about how this will look in the next few generations as this work spreads. As people form real, genuine, authentic and powerful relationships, as people learn to resolve conflict with grace and compassion, as children are raised in a new way and become the future leaders.
Imagine how the world will look as sexuality steps out of the shadows and we lift the shame burdening us from outdated religious institutions and reclaim the beauty, innocence and sacredness of this act. One where we all really feel each other, stop objectifying and start to reclaim our authentic pleasure and power.
Sexual violence could end in a matter of generations, or at least be a rare horror rather than a daily reality.
If we want love and eros to be 'regenerative' we need to step beyond 'sustainable'.... not just aiming to have relationships where we aren't screaming at each other and hurting each other- but relationships that allow us to overflow the love we receive into the world. Relationships that are inspiring, paradigm changing, empowering, healing.
We can't just stop at 'ok relationships' if we want to see the kind of shifts we need in the coming years.
We need to step up and claim our desire for deeper, more fulfilling, passionate and powerful relationships.
Not just because that will fullfill us but because these relationships can change the world for the better.
Claiming your desire for epic love is not a purely selfish desire, it's one that can bring more love into this world at a time where it is so needed.
It's revolutionary.
-Luna Agneya, May 6 2023
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